thoughts from the dark side...aka, Ryan

Erin has often accused me of being the “writer” in the family. I don’t know if this is really the case, but I do love to communicate and just about any opportunity to do so I rarely pass up. So here goes my first ever “blog posting”…

In a recent phone conversation with my sister (Tamarah a.k.a. TA) we found ourselves on the topic of control. Who really has control? Sure, the Christian world view demands that we believe God is in control, yet so few live like they actually believe this. As TA and I dialogued I found myself saying to my sister that in my reality I simply don’t believe that I can control anything, so in my mind only God controls anything. I’ve learned when I make statements like this God tends to say “Ok…prove it!”

As I’m sure all of you know Erin and I have begun the official process of going into full time missionary service. The fact is we’ve been about this process for many years, but now we find that all the little steps of faith have finally culminated into this last and final step that requires quite possibly the biggest step yet. God has always been very gracious to us, and I’ve never doubted that my God will provide all our needs. Yet in some small way I have taken comfort in the fact that I was bringing home a paycheck that was used to take care of the family that God had given me. Yet when we’re talking about becoming missionaries we’re talking about relying on God and His people to literally put food on the table for my family. I find humility to never be an easy bite to swallow but the fact is the pride I used to take in “bringing home the bacon” is now gone, and once again humility is being experienced in a new way. This process is very overwhelming, but yet I know that God will provide. All the things I’ve taken for granted all of my life, things like food, shelter, healthcare, etc. are no longer things that I control but rather God does. The question I find myself asking is was it ever within my control to begin with?

Please pray for us as we take these steps of faith, and pray that we will continue to trust in God and not in our own understanding.